Summer has left me with a depressing grey backdrop.
For no particular reason, at least none that seems readily apparent, this silver back and adjustable tool are the representation of the drawing I will attempt to explain. (Silver does jump out at me as I look at the world around me. The reasons seem to push forward and want to become the conclusions for why I would choose a silver back gorilla as the mascot for this entry. The sky is grey but brightly lit. The puddles on the asphalt parking lot are highlights in this sparsely occupied truck stop. The semi trucks that wait have more chrome than average, including mine. The lonely dime that someone dropped mentions it’s similarity to a common theme.
But none of this seems to be anything more than a passing theme in this midday silence.
I am sitting patiently filled with a quiet sadness at the loneliness that surrounds me. I realize that I am writing this in hope that I can inspire myself with this Saturday morning cartoon. This gorilla and I share very little in common this morning.
He is angry.
I have suppressed my rage to frustrated levels. My mind has reasoned to find quiet resolve in that which is beyond my control. I am attempting to channel that rage into a sense of completion and explanation. It’s a human adult attempt to resist my impulses and to utilize the skill I have to build something rather than to destroy it. The last time I encountered a gorilla in the zoo, he seemed to recognize my anger and ran up and punched the glass.
Pounded is probably a more accurate description. Just a warning. It took me by surprise but I couldn’t resist standing my ground. I didn’t provoke him in anyway. I have a lot of respect for his stature and potential. I’m sure that he could overpower me easily if given the chance. But my general demeanor seems to always alert any other creature in the vicinity.
I do have an attitude problem.
I’m working on that.
I finally drew eyes on this guy. Ever since the conception of this drawing, he has had a blank stare. If the eyes are the window to the soul, then he had none. Blankly not caring about any events or adventures. Robotically reminding me of the defense that I built to get through the busy season of moving furniture. Pushing emotion to a section where it could be ignored for efficient operation.
Until now. I’m trying to unravel my fears, frustrations, and anger at my predicament; into an understandable tool. So I look into his cartoon eyes, to better understand myself as an adult. Trying to push outside of the illustration.
He was conceived as I attempted to maintain a mantra to get me through desolation and obstacle of the lonely road.
This.
This is the day that I am in right now. I have to accept it or change it. Or maybe a bit of both.
This day right here and now. With all of its ups and downs. It isn’t the same day as I was given yesterday. Today requires more patience.
Yesterday I was exhausted. And I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.
I have to face the challenges of today. Through my anger I seek an adjustable wrench to attempt to resolve the particular challenges I face.
Even when I feel like the lightning strikes against me and I am the target of attack.
This
Is the day.
I’m hungry.
I’m going to find nourishment from the same choices that I face every day.
And I’m going to devour it.
grafhickdesign 